| BYSG | Before Rebirth | 85
On the first night after Shen Yu left, a nurse from the hospital, Cheng Mofei, called to say that they had found a ring under the hospital bed.
Cheng Mofei numbly returned to the hospital to retrieve the ring, but all he could do was stare blankly at a small urn.
He placed the ring on top of the urn, tightly hugging it with the hand wearing the matching ring. His whole body felt numb—besides shedding tears, he didn’t know what else he could do.
Shen Yu had nagged countless times when he was alive, saying that if he ever died, he must be cremated immediately. He had already looked terrible from the chemotherapy while he was sick—if his body were left to decay, he would look even worse. So he had to be burned cleanly.
How could he ever be terrible-looking…
At the end of 2023, Yancheng rarely welcomed a warm winter.
The first time he saw Shen Yu, the man was drenched from the rain, his jet-black eyes meeting his own through the rearview mirror. Just one glance, and his long-silent heart pounded violently.
Before meeting Shen Yu, he never thought that someone as homophobic as himself could ever fall for a man.
After meeting Shen Yu, he found himself sinking deeper into love, day by day, without even realizing it.
But his Xiao Yu was a particularly sensitive person.
He could only speak gently, not wanting to upset him again.
After confirming that his heartbeat had completely stopped, his Xiao Yu became nothing more than a light, weightless box of ashes.
Or perhaps… it was he himself who was too fragile, afraid that if he spent too long facing the body, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from following after him.
He couldn’t imagine how he was supposed to go on living alone in the days to come.
When the little dog they had adopted together passed away, they were both devastated. But back then, at least they still had each other. Now, he was completely, utterly alone.
But there were still many things he had to do.
He couldn’t afford to collapse.
His family was worried about him. They had been waiting outside the whole time.
Finally, after a day and a night, the door opened, and a haggard man with an unshaven face stepped out, cradling the urn in his arms.
Cheng Mofei made a trip to a cemetery in Yanjiao and buried Shen Yu close to his mother.
He knew that his Xiao Yu would want to be with her.
They must have so many things to talk about, to finally clear up all the misunderstandings from the past.
He also placed the ring inside the urn, so it could stay with him.
…
When he returned to the home they had shared, Cheng Mofei stood frozen at the entrance for a long time, unable to take a step forward.
Everywhere inside the house bore traces of their life together.
Their shoes in the cabinet, the matching instant noodle bowls in the kitchen, the unfinished schedule still stuck on the fridge, the couple’s pajamas in the closet, the two toothbrushes and towels on the bathroom sink, the plants they had cared for together…
Closing his eyes, he could almost see Shen Yu standing in the kitchen, making breakfast for him.
He could see Shen Yu curled up on the couch watching TV, stepping out of the bathroom after washing up, fresh and clean…
And he could see Shen Yu standing right in front of him, smiling as he said, "Why are you home so late again today?"
When he opened his eyes, all the images vanished like bubbles bursting in an instant.
The house was empty—only he remained.
His Xiao Yu would never come back.
That night, he didn’t dare take another step inside. Instead, he leaned against the door and crouched down in the entryway, spending the entire night there.
Before drifting into a fitful sleep, he kept scrolling through all the messages, photos, and videos he had shared with Shen Yu over the years, over and over again.
The last photo was one he had secretly taken—a picture of Shen Yu fast asleep on the hospital bed, looking weightless.
In those final days, he had stayed by Shen Yu’s side, and they no longer communicated through their phones.
The last voice message was from Shen Yu, sent when he had briefly returned to the office for an urgent matter.
"I’m really sleepy. I’ll go to bed first."
Later, after finishing his work, he rushed back as soon as he could.
Shen Yu was still asleep.
He just sat there, staring at his sleeping face, waiting for him to wake up.
But this time, he never woke up again.
…
After that, Cheng Mofei fell seriously ill.
When he recovered, he was like a soulless shell, burying himself in work, desperately trying to numb himself.
But even in the office, there were traces of Shen Yu everywhere.
He often found himself staring blankly at the small desk ornament Shen Yu had given him, lost in thought.
By the time he came back to his senses, his face was wet with tears. The documents on his desk had been soaked, the ink bleeding into unreadable smudges.
He had lost something very important—his belief in life.
That was when he thought of his grandmother and started deliberately seeking out fortune tellers.
The fortune teller had asked him what he wanted to know.
He said he wanted to ask about his lover.
The fortune teller went through the usual motions and, seeing his good fortune and status, deliberately told him that he would soon encounter a new romance this year.
Before the sentence was even finished, Cheng Mofei flipped the table and walked out.
He never sought out another fortune teller again.
…
That sense of faith—perhaps it would never return.
…
Months later, he finally gathered the courage to return home.
The plants they had once cared for together had withered and died. His tears fell onto the dry soil, and he blamed himself.
In the fridge and on the shelves, there were still some snacks they had bought together—many of them long expired.
On the sofa, the bed, and even in the bathroom, he found strands of Shen Yu’s hair.
He carefully gathered each one, collecting them in a small box, keeping them like a precious treasure.
He found many letters they had written to each other, most of them were his love letters to Shen Yu.
Shen Yu was a stubborn person, he was never one to express his love openly and passionately. But that was okay. Love didn’t need words or letters—Cheng Mofei could feel it in every little gesture, in every moment they shared.
That night, he finally slept.
Not well, but he dreamed.
In his dream, Shen Yu nestled in his arms, holding him tightly.
"Enough running. This time, let’s stay together."
When he woke up, his pillow was soaked with tears.
…
Later, he heard of a distant temple, said to bring peace to wandering souls.
He booked a flight and traveled there, climbing the temple’s long, steep steps one by one, bowing in prayer at every level.
That day, the weather was harsh—it had rained nonstop. Most people had taken shelter, but he remained alone in the downpour, continuing his prayers.
The rough stone steps scraped his palms raw. The rain fell steadily around him, drumming against the earth, but his heart was empty of all distractions.
It had also been raining the day they first met.
A sudden thought sparked in his heart, could it be that his Xiao Yu had come to see him?
His Xiao Yu, now transformed into the cool, gentle rain, embracing him softly.
After bowing at the final step, he stood up, but his vision blurred, and he stumbled, nearly falling.
A monk in the temple noticed and sent a young novice to bring him warm clothes. They offered him hot tea and spoke with him for a long time.
He didn’t fully understand concepts like this world, the next world, or reincarnation. But listening to the rain outside, his heart felt a little calmer.
Before leaving, he wrote a wish on a small prayer slip, placed it inside a blessing pouch, and hung it on the temple’s wooden beam.
On the slip, he had written:
[I hope that in another world, I can love you properly.]
…
…
"That night, he took me out to set off fireworks in the snow. He caught a chill, and when we came back, he got sick. I never thought it would be this bad…"
"He’s been unconscious for an entire day now. His fever still hasn’t gone down. The doctor said all his vitals seem normal, and I just need to be patient and wait."
Shen Yu sat beside the hospital bed, gripping the unconscious man's hand tightly, his face full of worry. As soon as Cheng Mofei’s father and mother arrived in a hurry, he quickly explained the situation to them.
Cheng Mofei’s parents immediately comforted him.
"Don’t worry, he’s already in his thirties. He’s always been healthy—it’s just a little cold. If the doctor says there’s nothing serious, then there’s nothing to worry about," Cheng Mofei’s mother reassured him.
"Good thing his fever isn’t too high, it shouldn’t fry his brain," Cheng Mofei’s father added, trying to lighten the mood.
"Xiao Yu, you haven’t eaten yet, have you? We’ll go buy you something, and when Mofei wakes up, he can eat too,"
In truth, there wasn’t much reason to be overly worried.
Although Cheng Mofei remained in a deep sleep and hadn’t fully recovered from his fever, his temperature was gradually lowering, he was slowly getting better.
But there was one thing Shen Yu couldn’t tell anyone.
Today… was a special day.
It was the anniversary of his death in his past life.
By coincidence, on this exact day, Cheng Mofei had fallen ill, sinking into a deep sleep for the entire day. There was no logical connection between the two events, yet Shen Yu couldn’t shake the unease gnawing at him.
Cheng Mofei had gotten sick before, but never this badly.
A terrible thought crept into his mind, did his rebirth cost him something?
What if… what if the price of his second chance at life was Cheng Mofei taking his place on the day he had died in his past life?
The mere thought sent a chill through his body.
Shen Yu tightened his grip on Cheng Mofei’s hand, lowering his head and burying his face in the darkness, blinking rapidly—desperately trying to keep his tears from falling.
Since being reborn and getting back together with Cheng Mofei, he had never once shed tears over negative emotions.
This time, he couldn’t control himself.
...
After they set off fireworks in the snow, Cheng Mofei started running a fever and eventually became delirious.
Perhaps because he had always been a healthy person, he rarely got sick, so when he did, it hit him much harder.
But in that haze of consciousness, Cheng Mofei felt something change within him.
It wasn’t so much that something new had entered him—it was more like something had been returned, something that had been lost for a long time.
It was a set of memories that had been sealed away, memories that belonged to him, but had been locked away for a long time.
The memories began from the summer of his sophomore year.
In these memories, during his time in college, he had never met anyone named Shen Yu. But after graduation, on a rainy day in Yancheng, while driving, he had been involved in a "staged accident" or "scam."
The later parts of the memories were things Shen Yu had told him about before, but seeing them from Shen Yu's perspective and his own perspective still felt very different.
Shen Yu knew, from the moment they first met, he had been subtly controlling his feelings, hiding them deep inside.
Even when he found out about Shen Yu's sexual orientation, the homophobic version of him back then had still buried his emotions, finding several excuses to keep in touch with Shen Yu.
As he searched for excuses, he realized he could no longer imagine his life without Shen Yu by his side.
At that time, he had been much braver and more clever. He had pursued Shen Yu with boldness—writing countless cheesy love letters, filling the trunk of his car with flowers, clumsily and passionately showing his affection.
Eventually, they became a couple. Their relationship was full of ups and downs, but their feelings grew deeper over time. Meanwhile, Shen Yu's health deteriorated more and more, until he could no longer leave the hospital.
In the end, he was forever at rest there.
He tightly gripped Shen Yu’s lifeless hand, holding the ring, but he could no longer place it on Shen Yu’s finger.
Tears blurred his vision, and the heart-wrenching pain pierced deep into his bones.
He had buried Shen Yu in the cemetery, in a spot close to his mother. He had dared to return to their shared home. He had been deceived by fortune tellers. He had climbed the steps of the temple, one by one, bowing with hopes and prayers...
In the blessing pouch, he had begged for their next lives, the lives after that, and the lives beyond. He prayed for their souls to be bound together across countless cycles of reincarnation.
But in his heart, he knew the truth: in every other world, they were no longer Cheng Mofei and Shen Yu.
The only one who could truly be with Shen Yu, who could truly love him, was Cheng Mofei.
And so, time reversed, and Shen Yu was reborn at the age of eighteen. As time slowly crept towards the day of Shen Yu's death, Cheng Mofei recovered all of his lost memories.
"Ha..." Cheng Mofei suddenly opened his eyes, gasping for air.
The distinct smell of disinfectant in the hospital flooded his senses, confusing his perception, and for a moment, he couldn't tell whether he was in reality or reliving a memory.
Fortunately, the tight grip on his hand in the next second brought clarity, and a familiar voice full of concern rang out, "You’re awake? How do you feel? Do you need water? I’ll go call the doctor..."
The last words Shen Yu spoke were swallowed by a fierce, desperate embrace.
The person holding him was burning with warmth, as though wanting to melt him into their very bones.
Cheng Mofei felt that strength, and for a moment, Shen Yu let out a relieved breath.
After a few seconds, Shen Yu tried to adjust his body, barely able to whisper, "You’re squeezing me too tightly, I can hardly breathe."
Only then did Cheng Mofei, belatedly realizing what he was doing, release his grip. Instead, he grasped Shen Yu’s arm, inspecting him carefully, as if afraid that the person in front of him might vanish, a mere illusion.
"What's wrong?" Shen Yu immediately noticed something was off with him.
Cheng Mofei quickly pressed his forehead against Shen Yu’s, slowly uttering three words, "Shen Xiaoyu."
Shen Yu froze completely.
Shen Xiaoyu… This was a nickname Cheng Mofei had occasionally called him in their past life.
In this life, Cheng Mofei usually called him "Xiao Yu" or "Shen Hamster," but never "Shen Xiaoyu."
Just then, the door to the room opened. Cheng Mofei's parents, who had just entered the room, froze for a few seconds. Cheng Mofei's father deliberately cleared his throat a few times, quickly placing the hot porridge and dishes he had brought on the table, then hurriedly grabbed Cheng Mofei's mother and left.
"..."
"..."
Cheng Mofei shifted his gaze slightly and said, "We've been together for over ten years. Mom and Dad should be used to it by now."
Shen Yu murmured a soft "Mm," his voice filled with curiosity. "Why did you suddenly call me that?"
Cheng Mofei gently took his hand, obediently telling Shen Yu about the memories that had resurfaced during his unconscious state.
It seemed that this illness was truly connected to the events of their past life.
After he had died and only Cheng Mofei remained with the memories, Shen Yu couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. He buried his face into Cheng Mofei's chest and allowed himself to cry freely.
Cheng Mofei’s nose tingled with the threat of tears as well, but despite the emotional storm, all he wanted was to hold his lover tightly. He couldn’t help but smile, grateful for the chance to be reunited with Shen Yu.
He was thankful to have these memories back. His soul felt whole again, and there were no longer any regrets between them.
After a while, the person in his arms, voice thick with a bit of a stuffy nose, spoke softly: “Let’s go fulfill our wish.”
...
Once Cheng Mofei fully recovered from his illness, the two of them boarded a plane together, heading for the temple at the base of the mountain.
The temple was located halfway up the mountain. It was still winter, and the temperature was lower on the mountain, with the snow still lingering. The path up was manageable, though.
When Shen Yu passed away, Cheng Mofei had come to the temple months later, after the spring warmth had arrived. The roads were much easier to walk on by then.
It was a blessing that he had learned about the temple after the spring thaw. Otherwise, he could only imagine what it would have been like for him to kneel on the icy steps, one by one, in the middle of winter, with his body suffering through the ordeal.
Thinking about this, Shen Yu felt a dull pain in his heart.
This time, the two of them walked hand in hand up the stairs, successfully reaching the temple.
The monk at the temple looked different from what Cheng Mofei had remembered, but he was smiling warmly at the visitors.
Together, they bought a fortune bag, hung it on the beam of the temple, in the same spot as the one in Cheng Mofei's memory.
The note inside read:
[We will love each other forever]
And their respective signatures were placed below.
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