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She noticed that he appeared sometimes happy, sometimes down, always drifting into a daze for no apparent reason—it felt so much like the emotions related to being in love.
Shen Xunyan still remembered the first time they met during the National Day holiday.
When Shen Yu was on the phone, he was surrounded by pink bubbles, his face filled with a bright and sweet smile. It was obvious that he was talking to someone he liked.
But she wasn’t sure about the exact situation.
Perhaps the two were still in the ambiguous stage, or maybe they were already together—either was possible.
The "relationship problem" was just a guess and a test.
She wasn’t sure if Shen Yu would be willing to tell her about it. After all, most children aren’t keen on sharing such things with adults, especially not with Shen Yu, who hadn’t lived with her since he was little.
But she had missed so many years of being with Shen Yu. This time, she didn’t want to miss the chance.
No matter what, she wanted to try asking.
Shen Yu was sitting in the passenger seat, his hands gripping the seatbelt in front of him a little too tightly, his fingertips turning slightly white.
Should… I tell Mom?
When something is too confusing to figure out and you find yourself stuck in a dead-end, talking to someone else might provide a fresh perspective.
Though he couldn’t share everything, perhaps sharing part of it would lead to helpful feedback?
His silence had already tacitly answered the question—his mood was indeed related to relationship problems.
Shen Xunyan noticed his inner turmoil and unconsciously softened her breathing, patiently waiting.
Outside the window, a light rain began to fall, tapping gently on the glass. The droplets gathered slowly, then finally trickled down.
It seemed like Shen Yu had finally made up his mind, as he spoke up: “I... I’ve known him for a long time.”
He deliberately left it vague, not saying they were acquaintances, but that he had known him for a long time from his side.
“Mm.” Shen Xunyan straightened up a little, listening attentively.
Shen Yu continued, “Our relationship kept getting better, and we became really good friends. Recently, someone joked and asked him... since we’re so close, would he ever consider being with me, and he said it was impossible.”
Shen Yu pressed his lips together, falling silent. He didn’t dare meet Shen Xunyan’s gaze, his eyes lingering on the small, swaying sunflower figurine on the dashboard.
Shen Xunyan waited for two seconds, seeing that he wasn’t going to continue, before speaking up: “What’s your usual interaction like? Is there any ambiguity, or is it purely just a friendship?”
Shen Yu answered, “It’s just pure friendship. No ambiguity. He treats me like a really good friend and has never thought about anything beyond that.”
Shen Xunyan understood immediately, mentally classifying her son as a person with a secret crush.
“But the longer you stay friends, the harder it becomes to transition into being lovers.”
Shen Yu listened quietly.
“As time goes on, the sunk cost becomes greater and greater.”
“As friends, you can stay in touch forever, maintain a good relationship forever, and never lose each other.”
“But once you become lovers, it almost becomes irreversible. You can’t help but wonder if, after breaking up, you won’t even be able to remain friends. Sometimes it’s better not to take that step in the first place. After all, some people who are great as friends may not make great lovers. Plus, you probably share a lot of mutual friends, and if you break up, it’ll be hard for everyone to hang out together. Many people avoid dating someone in their close circle for this very reason.”
The raindrops on the windshield accumulated more and more, making the view blurry, but Shen Yu’s eyes seemed even brighter.
She had really hit the nail on the head.
Cheng Mofei now treated him like a brother, and as their friendship deepened over time, it would only become more difficult for him to pursue a romantic relationship.
Switching from a stable, good relationship to a new, uncertain one is something most people would hesitate to do.
“So, if you really like someone, you should let them feel it as soon as possible. If you’re afraid of rejection, you don’t have to confess directly, but you can’t keep pretending to be just friends. Take a small step forward. If it doesn’t work, you can always step back. It’s better than doing nothing and then one day suddenly realizing they’re already with someone else.”
A step forward, huh…
Cheng Mofei’s disgust of gay people wasn’t as strong as before. At least now he could still laugh when seeing forum posts about their CP.
Did this mean he could try letting Cheng Mofei know about his real sexual orientation?
The reason he initially chose to hide his sexual orientation was because he suddenly realized that at nineteen, Cheng Mofei was homophobic.
He was afraid that Cheng Mofei would distance himself and not give him the chance to be understood. Otherwise, he had planned to tell him from the start—just like in his past life.
Now that they had become so close, even if he came clean, Cheng Mofei likely wouldn't push him away so easily.
Although there would still be some risks, as his mom said, he couldn’t afford to stand still anymore.
The real reason he had been feeling anxious and irritable lately was that he didn’t know how to move past their relationship as good friends.
Being honest about his sexual orientation seemed like a good solution.
He could come out first, and once Cheng Mofei slowly accepted it, maybe he could start pursuing him.
“The person he said ‘impossible’ to wasn’t you, was it? Perhaps he wasn’t rejecting being with you, but rather the fact that the person asking the question wasn’t you.”
Finally, Shen Yu met Shen Xunyan’s gaze and gave her the first truly relaxed smile he had shown in a while.
“I understand now. Thank you, Mom.”
After saying that, Shen Yu immediately unbuckled his seatbelt, pushed open the car door, and eagerly got out of the car.
“The road over there is hard to turn around, I’ll walk over on my own. Be careful on your way back, and send me a message when you get home.”
“Hey—” Shen Xunyan was about to get out of the car and hand him the umbrella from inside, but she saw Shen Yu had already quickly run to the other side.
Fortunately, the rain was light, and Shen Yu’s jacket had a hood, so it probably wouldn’t be a problem.
Watching Shen Yu’s figure grow smaller and eventually disappear, Shen Xunyan smiled and gently touched the necklace at her neck.
Today’s conversation had been quite a gain.
She was so happy.
She hoped to receive good news from Shen Yu soon.
...
Shen Yu ran all the way to the school gate in one breath.
The wind whipped the rain against his face, and his mind was unusually clear.
With the light rain falling, there were fewer street vendors by the school gate.
Shen Yu put on his hood, planning to buy some sugar mandarins as an apology for the recent distance between him and Cheng Mofei. However, after scanning the area, he couldn't find any vendors selling mandarins.
There was a fruit store inside the school, but it was a bit far. He hadn’t brought an umbrella, and if he walked all the way there, he would be soaked.
He didn’t want to get sick again, nor did he want Cheng Mofei to think he didn’t care about his health. Going back to the dorm to grab an umbrella would feel a bit too deliberate and troublesome.
After thinking for a moment, Shen Yu opened his food delivery app and ordered a set of sugar mandarins to be delivered to the school gate.
There was a spacious area by the school gate where he could shelter from the rain. Shen Yu found a corner to lean against and waited for the delivery.
While waiting, he carefully thought about how to tell Cheng Mofei about his sexual orientation.
Should he tell him directly, or subtly let something slip so that Cheng Mofei could figure it out on his own…
Would telling him directly be too abrupt? Or should he let him discover it on his own?
That way, it would avoid the awkwardness of confronting the issue face-to-face.
Shen Yu immediately downloaded a blue app used by people in the gay community onto his phone.
After thinking for a moment, he decided to hide the app.
This weekend was the school basketball tournament, and he couldn’t let anything distract him or affect the game.
He would deal with it after the basketball tournament ended.
With that thought in mind, Shen Yu switched to WeChat and sent a message to the parents of the student he tutored on Saturdays, asking if it would be possible to delay this week's tutoring session.
The basketball tournament started this Saturday and will last for five days.
He wasn’t sure how long the team from Cheng Mofei’s department would last in the competition, but he didn’t want to miss a single game Cheng Mofei played in.
...
The weekend was approaching, and with the weather being bad these days, Cheng Mofei had been practicing in the indoor basketball court with his friends from the department.
"Why haven't we seen Shen Yu recently? Are you guys avoiding each other because of that post?" A friend suddenly asked during their break.
Cheng Mofei twisted open a bottle and took a sip of water. The cold water slid down his throat and into his stomach, it didn’t make him feel very comfortable, and his mood wasn’t much better.
He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple moving, and replied vaguely, "He's sick. Why? Do you need something from him?"
"It’s nothing big, just a friend who wants to get to know him. She asked if I could check if she could add him on WeChat, but since he hasn't been around lately, I didn't get the chance to ask."
Shen Yu’s contact info had long been leaked, and it wasn’t hard to find him. But Shen Yu never accepted friend requests, so even knowing his contact info, it was still impossible to reach him.
Cheng Mofei simply responded with an "oh" and didn’t say anything else.
The friend wasn’t giving up, "Why don’t you ask Shen Yu for me? The girl’s cute, maybe he’d like her."
Cheng Mofei finished the last of the water in the bottle in one go, twisted the cap back on, but squeezed the bottle so hard in his hand that it deformed. Standing up, he walked toward the trash can without looking back.
"Next time he comes, you can ask him yourself."
"When’s that? Oh, the competition’s starting soon. He will come watch your game, right?"
"..."
Cheng Mofei tossed the deformed water bottle into the trash can.
Shen Yu had gone to his mom’s place today, and they hadn’t had much time to chat.
The basketball tournament started on Saturday, and Shen Yu had a full day of part-time work, so he definitely wouldn’t be able to watch his game.
Back at his seat, Cheng Mofei opened his phone to check the time, only to find a message from Shen Yu.
[Brother Fei, I’m at the school gate. The rain’s getting heavier, and I didn’t bring an umbrella. Can you bring me one?]
Cheng Mofei immediately stood up.
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